By: C.D. Owens, Esq.
This may the toughest subject in this series regarding “Can This
Marriage Be Saved.” Infidelity is a direct breach of the fundamental
concept of marriage. Your soulmate for life and with whom you may have
children admits that he or she has had an affair with someone else. You,
no doubt, would not recognize that act as having any moral integrity or
deserving of any consideration – except divorce.
If the offending party’s position is that the situation involves a
new “soulmate for life,” the concept of saving the marriage may
not have any likelihood of success. I have had a few cases that worked
out later, sometimes involving divorce and then re-marriage later. But
in the early months of a new “fling,” there is not much chance
for either spouse to give much thought to reconciliation. Working through
this kind of breach of the marriage vows requires some form of remorse
by the offending party and a disavowal of any prospect for continuance
of the conduct. Even if this occurs, it’s still tough. In this kind
of situation “forgive and forget” is required and even if
forgiveness is possible, forgetting is the element that is often crushed
in the blanket of remembering – and being unable to eliminate the
mental vision of the acts in the mind of the non-offending spouse. Most
of the reconciliations I have seem have been accomplished through the
influence of the parties’ church and the strength of their faith.
Another top influence in reconciliation is often the love of parties for
each other and their children.
But, in a no fault divorce state such as Arizona a party does not need
to present any reason for the divorce except that either he or she wants
one. Thus, in any divorce proceeding, there will be a dissolution of the marriage
BOTH parties are willing to reconcile and dismiss the proceedings. And confirmed
infidelity can be the biggest hurdle to cross to reach that goal. Even
paranoia where one spouse becomes fixated with the concept that the other
is having an affair, whether true or not, can be damning to any potential
reconciliation and can lead to a divorce.
NOTE: I am not suggesting that the law should be changed and that you should
have to prove fault. Actually, it’s worse the other way.
However, this gets back to some language in my first blog, in these divorce cases
everybody, i.e., the parties, grandparents,
attorneys, etc. need to just stop – cease and desist – back away from
all the turmoil and anger –
and think! Too many people just go nuts and all that does is increase your attorney
fees and emotional turmoil.
My next blog on the subject of “Can This Marriage Be Saved”
will deal with money issues with alleged control freaks or irresponsible
spenders, as the shoe may fit.
If you would like to work with one of our experienced Attorneys, please
call OWENS & PERKINS at
480.630.2464 to schedule your free 30 minute consultation.